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Communication That Hurts

Truthfully Speaking

Have you ever asked yourself why did I say that? what in the world was I thinking? Sometimes feeling sorry for things that were said.

There is a lot that we do not understand but we try to figure out other people who are trying to communicate with us. Good creative communication is effective when you care what the other person is saying and you confirm their feelings. Confirming their feelings says you give importance to the person communicating with you even if you don't concur with what they are saying. It does not require an agreement just acknowledgment, it says to that person that I care about your feelings and your opinions.


In most relationships I find that people are not truthful with each other. The tendency is to hold back our feelings about people even those that are close to us because we don't want to be hurt or rejected.... So we say nothing or deflect attention leaving them unaware of how we feel. We hurt each other with our words and actions when we don't want to be bothered. We must learn to tell the truth in love and communicate it with through "I messages" instead of "you messages" "I messages" like I feel hurt by what you said - says to that peson I feel a certain way which opens up communication, where "you message" you always doing this or that - can make them defensive in their response.

Some other effective communication skills to try.

  • Be willing to listen and understand them ask questions for clarity.

  • Be willing to compromise but not your values there are always workable solutions that don't devalue your beliefs.

  • Be willing to validate the feelings of others this makes person feel that you care.

  • Be willing to take a risk of your self-esteem this can be hard.

  • Be willing to admit when your wrong and apologize it goes a long way in showing character and integrity.

This is just a small snippet of how we all can do better in effective communication with each other. Because it is not what we say that is important, it is how it is said that can make a difference.


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